Keeps Me Sane

It seems in my eternal struggle to get a good night’s sleep that it’s always one step forward then one step back to square one: population, exhaustion.  Last night, I didn’t sleep very well.  I didn’t sleep well because yesterday evening, I received bad news that devastated me and…well, weighed on my mind all night.  Everyone knows that my grandfather has recently been fighting cancer.  They successfully removed the area affected by the cancer and he was released from Sloan Kettering on Monday, May 28.  However, he was back in on Friday, June 1 due to a kidney infection.  He was released again on Monday, June 4 – my grandparents’ 57th wedding anniversary.  Until some “stuff” that happened during a doctor’s appointment today, I was relieved that he was physically on the mend.  What I wasn’t sharing was that my uncle, my grandma’s brother, is also fighting cancer.  He had surgery to remove one of the affected areas at Sloan Kettering a week after my grandpa’s surgery, coincidentally staying same floor my grandpa had been on.  Unfortunately, yesterday we found out that there’s nothing else they can do for him.  They’re trying chemotherapy a second time, but it would be to prolong, not to cure.

My family is close; when something bad happens to one, it happens to everyone.  I am so sad right now.  I was up until well after 1:30am thinking about this, talking to Jay about depressing hypotheticals such whether you’d rather die suddenly or know it was coming?  [I said the former, Jay said the latter.]

Anyway, it’s been an emotional day; my grandpa had another small setback today, but we’ll power through it, too.  Forgive me for not going into too much detail.  I also apologize for the depressing post.  There’s just stuff going on, man!  It’s very difficult to watch people you love in a situation where you’re just left feeling so helpless.  Sucks, sucks, sucks.

So.  Audience participation time.  Today’s Photo-a-day topic was “Art.”  I had no idea what I was going to do for it until I began walking to the gym this evening and walked past some graffiti that I had actually taken a picture of a good two months ago because I thought it was cool.  It felt “right” to post it today, since I was once again in a very reflective mood.  You know, the kind where your mind is in overdrive yet you can’t think at all and you have no appetite out of nerves of the unknown.  Am I making sense?

I walk past this “art” at least 3 times a week.  It popped up in April along my normal route.  It got me thinking again today: What is the one thing that keeps me sane in this crazy world?  I think I would honestly say it’s my walks.  Jay can keep me sane to a large degree; my mom can let me rant or rant for me to calm me to a point; having a nice, cold beer in front of the TV may relax me for an hour or so; falling asleep as a “sandwich” between Jay & Zoe puts me at peace & makes me feel warm & cozy at night; but in the end, I’m the only person who can calm my mind down and usually, I do my best thinking and achieve my best zen when I am taking a nice, long walk.  Those keep me sane in this crazy world because they reboot my mind.

What keeps you sane in this crazy world?

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