Coll Writes

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642 Things to Write About Challenge: Week 8

Written By: Colleen - Feb• 22•13

Hello!  It’s been a quiet week for me, but I have some posts that I’m working on tonight to go up next week.  I even busted open a bottle of wine for my night of writing, woot.  Being in California threw me off a bit.  I kept thinking that Thursday was Tuesday since I went back to work on Wednesday.  I’m all out of whack.

Anyway, after I posted last week’s sappy post, I felt like I have been doing way too many “serious” topics for this writing challenge and I wanted to do some fun ones.  So, this week’s topic focuses more on “creativity” and amusement.  It was also slightly-picked because of something in this week’s episode of Community (“A Convention of Space and Time”).  If you want to participate in the comments, see below for “help.”

“You’re a Nigerian e-mail scammer.  Write an e-mail that will convince the recipient to send you $200.”

Subject: SEEKING IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE.

Dear Kind Soul:

I hope that this e-mail finds you well.  Please forgive me and permit me to make your acquaintance in such an informal matter.  Your contact information was referred to me by one of my trusted students of witchcraft & wizardry, whose name and house I am not at liberty to compromise.  I am a loyal servant to the family of The Dude.  I seek the assistance of someone who is interested in entering into a profitable business relationship regarding the transfer of $200 U.S. Dollars into your bank account.

In brief, The Dude was the former Slytherin of Nigeria and had held position there for years before he was tricked out of power.  If you have been following the events in my country over the last few years, you will remember the big scandal that took place when The Dude was wrongly imprisoned for alleged crimes against Jedis without even standing trial.  This has led to the freezing of all Disney Dollars belonging to him and his family members of both home and abroad. Many starships belonging to them both locally and intergalactically have also been seized.

However, it is noteworthy to inform you that they still have a family fortune consisting of millions of Monopoly Money, hidden away, which is only known only by me, the family members, and The Seven Dwarfs.  It is therefore on this note that The Dude has directed that I secretly find a genuine and reliable trustworthy person with whom they have had no previous personal or business pod-races.  This person is to assist them by transferring $200 to a safe account.

Once I have received your consent and bank account number, I will be able to make a claim under your name with the Shire Insurance Company for the above sum of $200.  We have a Lannister in that organization who has assured me that the claim will be processed without raising any red flags and your debt will be repaid into your bank account no later than SEVEN (7) Light Years from the time I receive your response.

I eagerly await your reply, though I must ask that you please keep this communication confidential, and avoid it falling into the hands of any agents of the Nigerian Secret Karma Police who may be in your star system.  Note again that there is no risk involved because you, the family members, and The Seven Dwarfs are the only ones who know this.  As soon as we receive your letter of acceptance/acknowledgement, I shall give you more on this transaction.

With My Gratitude,

Missus No Tango Nombre

[Note: To get ideas, I searched for “Nigerian scam generators” and was inspired by what I got from 2 of them.  HereHere.  I also found this one, as well as these example sites, but didn’t use them because I went in a different direction.]

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  1. Melissa says:

    This is hilarious and there’s no way I can even try to live up to your humor. I just wanted to hop in and say I enjoyed your creativity, and even if I don’t play along, the read was good. Slytherin. Seven Dwarfs. Seven light years!

    Nice work. 🙂

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