Coll Writes

You know how I do.

Ep. 5: A New Start

Written By: Colleen

This Tobias-centric episode is where I feel we first start to feel like the Bluths again.  The episode starts off with a team of TV crew filming a “To Catch a Predator” type show.  Their target?  A man with the code name “Anus Tart.”

We cut back to the night of the Queen Mary and witness more of the scene we saw in “Indian Takers” between Lindsay and Tobias.  Lindsay cuts right to the chase and tells Tobias that everyone in the family thinks he’s gay because of the “misleading way” he talks.  Oh yes, you know where this is going.

Having come across the copy of Eat, Pray, Love, Tobias decides to take a trip to India.  He even gets a new license plate to reflect his desire for a new start: “ANUSTART.”  Here’s where we start getting some reveals and pieces of the puzzle start to fall into place: •Tobias was the driver of the car that cut off Lindsay’s cab on the way to the airport; •Tobias was the person sitting behind Lindsay on both flights; •It was Tobias’ suitcase that Lindsay mistakenly picked up at baggage claim (they have matching suitcases because Tobias thought it was a romantic gesture) and; •Tobias was the tourist hit by the bus Lindsay was on.  Tobias being hospitalized leads us to a meeting with – who else? – Dr. Miller, the literal doctor.

Back in America, we watch James Carr look out his office window, see “ANUSTART,” and exclaim, “Oh good Lord.”  We also see a little bit more of the Funke’s Thanksgiving Miracle before picking up with what happens to Tobias and Debrie (pronounced debris) after Lindsay and Marky leave them at C.W. Swappigan’s.  DeBrie tells Tobias that she reminds him of a “young Billy Crystal–” and he kisses her before she can finish her sentence “–Meth.” (Her drug dealer.)  DeBrie ends up in the hospital and Tobias must accept that she’s a drug addict.  The two dress up as Fantastic 4 characters to try to make some money while trying to get their acting careers up and running.  Unfortunately, they run into some trouble because neither of them are allowed to portray themselves as members from the movie.  Tobias eventually dresses up as The Thing and there’s all sorts of goodness in the form of both drug and sexual puns.  Somewhere in between all of this, he manages to save Lucille 2’s life when he comes across her being attacked by Marky’s ostrich in her own apartment.  AMAZING MOMENT: When being attacked by the ostrich, Lucille 2 is yelling, “Stop it, chicken!!”  I guess Lucille has never actually seen a chicken, either.

The episode ends where it began.  A down and out Tobias, having just been dumped by DeBrie (last seen getting into a limo outside of a night club), seeks out Maeby at one of Michael’s homes in Sudden Valley in the hopes of reconnecting with her.  This episode immediately becomes my favorite one thus far simply for one, simple, unfortunately worded line: “Daddy needs to get his rocks off!”  Oh Tobias, you blowhard!  There has got to be a better way to say that…

Things to Note:

  • The introduction for John Beard’s “To Entrap a Local Predator: Orange County Edition” is “And now the story of the of the awful people who are about to lose everything and the one man who had no choice but to entrap them all together.”
  • Tobias is shown from several POV’s spinning around and singing, “It’s just a fallacyyyyy!” in the police station.  This sounds like, “It’s just a phallus, see?”
  • A seemingly throwaway exchange between Tobias and G.O.B. in the police station.  Tobias: “You look like I feel.”  G.O.B.: “…gay?”
  • Cut-off alert!
  • Tobias says the same line about the heat in India that Michael said about the heat in Phoenix.
  • Anyone else catch Tobias tipping the Hispanic workers who delivered his bed in change?
  • I’ve never seen an episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000, but I hear the F4 footage pays homage to the show.
  • We hear the Charlie Brown music again.
  • Lucille 2 is singing, “Go away, Getaway, stay away…”
  • THE SHÉMALE SHIRT!
  • Tobias:I assure you there’s nothing ambiguous about me. I’m Johnny Storm, the human flamer.”
  • Tobias tells DeBrie “Paper beats rock,” referencing “The One Where They Build a House.”
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