I love it when I find out news a month too late, especially when it’s news that’s just begging for a comment. Apparently M. Night Shyamalan (HA, I only had to look up the spelling of his name THREE times, suckers!), the man behind the awesome Sixth Sense and not-so-awesome Lady in the Water, has been telling everyone who’ll listen that he’s considering directing one of the last two Harry Potter movies. The director claims that he is “haunted” that he passed up the chance to director The Sorcerer’s Stone and if given the chance, he would be the “greatest protector of [the] author’s stuff.”
Now, M. Night doesn’t strike me as the type of director who adheres to necessary little things such as what another author intended the storyline to be. I can see it now: Dumbledore suddenly starts walking around, interacting with Harry, completely unaware that he’s dead. Then in an attempt to keep Death Eaters out of Hogwarts, new Headmaster McGonagall boards up all the windows/doors with some strong ass plywood and gathers all the students in the Great Hall, where everyone gets to conjure up their favorite last meals! And in a “completely unforeseen twist,” we learn that Hogwarts is actually located somewhere in the Dagobah System. Yoda appears and finishes where Dumbledore left off, teaching Harry how to defeat Voldemort using the force (who needs Legilimency & Occlumency nowadays, anyway?). To reward himself for being such a genius, M. Night creates a whole new member of the Order of the Phoenix for himself to play, completely forgoing all of J.K. Rowling’s well-crafted mythology in favor of his own, updated storyline, which he will then try to pass off as “something that happened a long time ago…really…”
This rant has been brought to you by Colleen. Anyone have anything to add? Any M. Night fans in the house who want to tell me I’m overacting slightly?