I heard this wonderfully gross story at work on Monday night. It was the perfect cure to stop eating so freaking many M&M’s instead of dinner. Kallie, a high school senior, told me it:
A girl she used to work with had a pet snake. She used to sleep with this snake each night because “it was just like a dog.” There came a time when said snake stopped eating. It also stopped curling up on her bed and began to stretch on longways next to her. Kallie’s co-worker began to worry because her beloved pet snake had stopped. She took it to the vet after a week of not eating.
What did she learn?
Oh, nothing. Just that the snake wasn’t eating because it was preparing for a big meal. What meal? Oh, just HER. Apparently the snake was stretching because it was sizing her out to eat her.
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
Can you imagine going into work and being like, “Where’s Sally Jo?” “Oh, her pet snake ATE HER last night.”
Ew. Ew. Ew.
So much for loyal pets.