It’s funny the effects that grieving can have on you. On one hand, you know that life goes on and you have to go on with it, but at times you find the other hand clutching your forehead as you try to block out memories and reality that pop up at inconvenient times. It’s been two weeks. Over the past two weeks, I’ve found that at moments I expect to lose it, I’m fine. It’s when the teeniest thing sparks a realization that this did, in fact, happen that I struggle. The little reminders. It’s always the littlest things.
This past weekend, I had to start to tip toe back to some normalcy. I haven’t really felt like everything is normal yet, even though I’ve been back in Raleigh and at work for over a week. This weekend was fun, productive, and a good distraction. On Friday, Jay and I sporadically decided to go out in Downtown Raleigh, something that we don’t do much any more. We were on our way to dinner at North Hills when we decided to change course and see what kind of adventure we could have. We went to Raleigh Times (a favorite) and Bolt (our first time there). The evening was an unexpected good time, complete with a dramatic ambulance scene on the street in front of us and befriending a group of twenty-somethings celebrating on the evening before a wedding.
On Saturday, I hit a bit of a “I can’t get started!” streak. I tried to go back to Pilates for the first time in three weeks, but class was canceled because there was no teacher! Oh well, went for a walk instead. After my walk, Jay & I decided to finally clean off the old float and hit up the pool for the first time this year. Except…about 10 minutes after we got there, it started raining. Oh well, we watched a little bit of Justified instead. Saturday evening was a blast, though. We joined the rest of the Raleigh Glatfelter clan at a concert with Heart and Jason Bonham’s Led Zeppelin Experience. It was SO much fun! I had never seen either band and I’m so glad we went. It was a really nice distraction from the situation at hand. June 22 was supposed to be the date of my parents’ 30th anniversary party, but instead, they spent the afternoon helping my grandma pick out a tombstone. That was a heavy reminder.
On Sunday, we ran errands during the day. I hadn’t done a proper grocery shopping/errands run since Memorial Day weekend and we were in need of everything. I had to throw out so much stuff last Monday after we got back from New York. Everything was at least two weeks old. I can’t believe how much produce I wasted. I’m a big smoothie fan, and the fruit & veggies I bought…gone. The things you think of and worry about and the things you don’t even care about. It’s amazing. We saw “This is the End” on Sunday evening. It was hilarious! I totally recommend it if you’re interested in seeing it. I don’t want to make any promises, but if I don’t think you’d be disappointed.
Like I said, I’m walking the path back to routine. I know that some people reading this may be rolling their eyes and going, “It’s just your grandfather. You should’ve been prepared.” To them, I say, you don’t know the relationship I had/have with my grandparents. I was/am extremely, incredibly, very close with them. This is difficult for me. This is a big deal.
Anyways (ding), I have video from the Heart and Led Zeppelin Experience concert that Jay took and uploaded to my YouTube account. I’ll post that within the next day, so stay tuned.
And thanks for “listening.”