Ep. 3: Indian Takers


A Lindsay-centric episode.  Still reeling from finding out she’s adopted, Lindsay reads the book Eat, Pray, Love and decides to set off to India to find herself.  In the cab ride to the airport, her cab swerves to avoid another car, yelling, “Stay in your lane, anus tart!” at it.  Once in India, Lindsay finds that she’s picked up the wrong suitcase from the baggage claim.  She visits a Shaman at the hotel who urges her to “live life truthfully” before telling her she needs to go back home to find love.  Lucille then tells a broke Lindsay that if she wants “some of that stimulus money,” she’d better show up to her trial.

Once returning home, Lindsay and Tobias decide to try to give it another go and buy a house.  All hail the return of Ed Helms as the real estate agent.  Tobias gestures out the window, saying he’s ready to try new things.  “Oh good Lord,” the real estate agent exclaims to something unseen off camera.  They end up buying a house so big that they can’t afford it nor find each other in it.  Meanwhile, Lucille has announced that she’s not going to pay Lindsay for her testimony unless she’s acquitted.  Lindsay and Tobias decide to go to a Method acting clinic to ensure her testimony is good.  In typical Tobias fashion, he’s actually mistaken “Methadone” for “Method One.”  They’re not at an acting clinic; they’re at a methadone clinic.  Flattered that he calls her skinny, Lindsay becomes friends with a man named Marky Bark “of the tree-freer Barks.”  Marky, Lindsay, Tobias, and Marky’s girlfriend DeBrie (a not-so-recovering meth addict) hit up a bartering restaurant.  Tobias, high on methadone, recognizes DeBrie from a low-rent Fantastic 4 movie.  This only furthers his confusion about what the clinic actually is.

Not so surprisingly, Marky & Lindsay decide to run away together to live on his mother’s ostrich farm in the desert.  After having 3-and-a-half-second sex, Marky tells Lindsay that he randomly has “a condition called face blindness” that makes him unable to recognize people’s faces, so he can’t tell Lindsay how pretty she is.  As a result, he explains that he had sex with her to “make sure she wasn’t a guy” because even though he can usually tell by the voice, sometimes he can’t.  Lindsay definitely has a type, no?  At the end of the episode, Lindsay cuts her hair in an attempt to not be judged by her looks, only to find that she looks “even cuter.”  And that’s where we leave Lindsay & Tobias – Lindsay is dating Marky Bark while Tobias is last seen escorting a tweaking DeBrie to the restaurant of C.W. Swappigan’s.

I liked this episode the least out of the first three.  I’ve always liked Lindsay better in smaller doses.  I was also distracted by Portia di Rossi’s seemingly plastic face.  Jay called that she was wearing a wig early on and in future episodes, she looks much better with short hair.  Finally, I must pay tribute to a great Lucille jab from the police station scene: “At least I was able to turn my queen around.”

Things to Note:

  • We have our third straight ostrich sighting.
  • We have our third straight use of the Namaste prayer hands.  (Michael: “Seriously, shoot me if you ever catch me doing that.”)
  • Marky’s dad Johnny (from the episode “Key Decisions) died after bees chased him and he fell out of a tree to his death.
  • Another Peanuts reference: Tobias claims he fell in love with acting while watching You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
  • When Marky says he has an ostrich farm, we hear Eastern music play and the singer sing, “Coincidence.”  Lindsay says that can’t be a coincidence and the singer goes, “Yes it is…”
  • Lindsay wants to buy a Kate Spade knockoff purse and is informed that anything in a smaller size is called a “David Spade.”


  • It’s established during the scene with Ed Helms that Tobias and Lindsay bought their house in 2006.
  • We know that the Funke family has spent at least one Thanksgiving in the home.
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