Let’s just cut to the chase this week.
Describe the most recent moment when you couldn’t think of anything to say. Were you having a hard time making conversation, or were you simply dumbfounded?
On Thursday, March 14, I got a phone call from my dad. I had been nervously waiting for this phone call for about a half hour and had spent the proceeding two hours whispering to myself, “It’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay. No matter what happens, it’s going to be okay.”
My cell phone rang and I shut the door to my office. It was time to find out the results of my grandpa’s latest CAT scan.
“They found that some of the cells grew slightly…but there’s now spots on his [a different organ].”
This is the point in which I burst into tears.
“His [new organ with cancer] is still otherwise healthy and functional. These are the same cells that were found [where his cancer originated] and traveled to his lungs. It’s obviously aggressive.”
I couldn’t speak, so I just kept crying.
“They’re going to start [his current round of] chemo now. I have to go. I know this isn’t the news any of us were hoping for.”
I was devastated, dumbfounded, and almost threw up. I sat in my office with the door closed for several minutes and just cried. I couldn’t think or speak to anyone for several hours. In fact, I haven’t spoken about it to anyone outside of my immediate family and Jay until right now. It’s still not something I’m ready to converse with people about.
