June 10

Today, June 10, was a rough day.  They spoke to us about options, like DNRs, ventilators and hospice care.  My grandma came to reality this morning: “You know, we’re going to lose him.”  We know we are close to the end now.  I can’t believe this is happening.  My worst nightmare for 29 years and it’s coming true.

For now, we wait.  My parents, sisters, aunt, and I are staying overnight in the waiting room of the hospital.  My grandma has not left his bedside since last Tuesday when they came in on their 58th wedding anniversary.  We have chair-beds set up with blankets.  My parents have not left the hospital since last Thursday.  My uncle & I rushed here this morning without showering.  I have not left at all since I got here at 8am.

We just want it to be peaceful and painless.  Love doesn’t even begin to describe how much he means to each of us individually.  He is Louie, Daddy,Grandpa, uncle.  He is amazing.  We had so many visitors whose lives he’s touched.  Even though he cannot speak, he communicates to us that he wants kisses to show us he loves us too.

This is hard.

Fuck cancer.

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