A Few Movies: Uncharted, Marry Me, The 355

I’ve seen a few movies over the past couple of weeks and figured I’d share a few blurbs on each. I’m not a great reviewer, s0 I’ll do my best to keep my thoughts succinct. Those movies were The 355, Uncharted, and Marry Me.

Uncharted

Jay and I saw Uncharted on opening day because I had high hopes that this movie would be a sillier version of Indiana Jones. I wanted to see it because I love the genre and like Tom Holland. Based on a popular video game, the supporting cast includes Mark Wahlberg, Antonio Banderas, Tati Gabrielle (The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina), and Sophia Taylor Ali. It was…just okay. It’s my understanding that the main character, Nate (Holland), is supposed to be a bit older and more of a Nathan Fillion-type and the character of Sully (Wahlberg) is his mentor. This feels like a missed opportunity for a Fillion-Harrison Ford vehicle, #justsaying. Oooh, or even a Holland/Fillion team-up if they wanted to keep with the younger version of Nate.

Anyways, I had a few issues with Uncharted. It started out really fun but just completely fell apart by the last act. Some of the casting was also awful. Holland, Gabrielle, and Ali are awesome but Marky Mark and Antonio Banderas look bored out of their minds the entire time and barely did not even try. I think Banderas may have been actively sleep-acting through the entire movie. That said, there were some SUPER fun action scenes, but not even ridiculous sky-fighting could save it (I loved them anyway). It’s worth a streaming view for the entertainment, but idk if I’d pay to see it again. I think they should recast Marky Mark for the sequel. It would make a world of difference because honestly, at the end of the day, viewers can generally ignore silly plotholes as long as they’re attached to the relationships between characters, and in Uncharted, there’s no sense of belief in or emotional attachment whatsoever with the Sully/Nate relationship.  Rating: 2.5 out of 5

The 355

The 355 is about a group of female spies teaming up to stop the bad guy. Ya know, also the exact kind of movie that I love. The kind of summer action movie that I especially enjoy seeing in the middle of the day while drinking beer, lol, except that it came out in the middle of winter.

I was the only person in the theater when I saw The 355. That alone was worth it, haha. Honestly, though, it was a good movie, but not a great one. I really appreciate what Jessica Chastain did. She made a female-action film where, according to Diane Kruger, all of the women were paid the same and it was a child-friendly set. I liked the storyline and the acting. All of the women – Chastain, Kruger, Lupita Nyong’o, Penélope Cruz, and Fan Bingbing – had chemistry and believable camaraderie. Sebastian Stan does his super hot Sebastian Stan thing and now I need a cold shower after tying his name. My only issue was the pacing. I can’t believe I’m going to say this but I felt that maybe there were so many action scenes that it took away from what was going on. Overall, I really liked this movie. It’s streaming on Peacock and I definitely recommend it. Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Marry Me

Marry Me is Jennifer Lopez’s newest romantic comedy co-starring Owen Wilson, Sarah Silverman, Maluma (who I just learned was Mariano in Encanto), and John Bradley (Samwell Tarley from Game of Thrones). The plot is simple for a romcom: Kat Valdez, a world-famous singing superstar loosely based on JLo herself, is engaged to Bastian. Just as they’re about to get married for love during one of her concerts, Kat finds out he’s cheating on her. Devastated but never one to quit the hustle, she decides to marry a random concert-goer, math teacher nerd Charlie. That all happens in the first few minutes of the movie and, if you hadn’t already guessed it, the rest of the movie is the will they/of course they will between Kat and Charlie.

Jay and I saw Marry Me on opening day as a part of our Birth-entine’s Day celebrations. It’s also streaming on Peacock, and you bet I’ve already watched it a second time! I freaking LOVED it. Is it a great, classic romcom? NOPE! Is it a wonderful escape from a world in which Russia is trying to start a new world war in Europe while North American suburban moms and right-wing truckers are whining like 3-year-olds? YOU BETCHA! While it’s not the best romantic comedy ever made, Marry Me is a lot of fun. It checks all of the genre’s boxes without pushing the envelope too much. It’s funny. The supporting characters can be cringy at times but are overall fun. It has a pretty decent soundtrack that Alex and I have been listening to in the car. And to top it all off, there’s MATH!! Honestly, I don’t know why JLo didn’t make 4 romcoms over the last two years for us to escape to. Rating: 3.5 out of 5

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