“We’re very close to the end, Hugo.”

So here I sit, about to leave for Los Angeles for Jay and Jack’s LOST Finale Party at the Orpheum on May 23, 2010.  This past week has been such a whirlwind for me and it’s not even reached a climax yet.

So now I sit here and I’m supposed to be on a flight to LA X right now.  Am I? NO.  I am at home in Raleigh with Jay and Clif.  Our flight was delayed.  Oh WAIT!  Not “delayed” but rather a “your flight is so delayed that you will miss your connecting flight and therefore be stuck in Atlanta overnight” situation.  So we were told that our “option” was staying at home in Raleigh overnight and to be rescheduled until 6:40am tomorrow (Saturday) morning.

I am so disappointed, so upset, so tired.  I have been waiting 5 months for this and my bad airline luck happened yet a-f*cking-gain.  Not to complain, but the last 16 days have SUCKED.  Murphy’s Law X the Smoke Monster.  Yeah, little things like my laptop being fixed quickly were nice but it was still at a $300 loss that never should have happened.

Anyway.  I started this blog before we left for a reason.  I stopped a paragraph in because we had to leave lol but I did have something to say.

Lost is almost over.  Wow, has a television show CHANGED MY LIFE.  I would not have Jay.  I would not be friends with Clif and Kolkie and Chris in Boston and Rob and Jana and everyone else.  The last week has been such a whirlwind.  I left on 24 hours notice last Saturday, May 15 to go home to attend funeral services for my aunt Carol and then returned home immediately following the burial at the cemetery on Wednesday.  Talk about transition.  Bagpipes playing “Amazing Grace” to “Flight 384 is departing from gate A2 in 30 minutes” all within 15 minutes.  No time to process, regroup or sleep.  I feel like it was an entire different time/universe.  Often times over the last week, I have felt like I’m ‘that rambling girl’ in the corner who just talks because she is so overtired that she has nothing to do but let the verbal diarrhea flow.  I am so terrified I’ll do that in LA tomorrow night at Jay and Jack’s meet-up because I will be SO exhausted.

So this is it.  It’s going to be gone soon.  We are ‘very close to the end’ now.  How strange.  I feel such a sense of loss.  This entire last 8 days has been a loss.  When I first became involved in the Lost community, it was because of MetroBuzz, my very first podcast – a podcast that I miss doing very much.  I joined the Jay and Jack forums because of the Ramblecast.  I wanted to vote on something and the only way you could do so was if you joined the message boards to vote.  That was November 2006, I believe.  MetroBuzz stared in January 2007 and in April 2009, I was presented the opportunity to meet Jay.  I had listened to the Lost Podcast with Jay and Jack since February 2006, so I wasn’t a total J&J newbie.  We met and it was history.  However, we wouldn’t have had the chance to be introduced if not for Lost.

And for me, that is really all I need to know.

I liked “Across the Sea” and for the most part the other polarizing episodes (even “What Kate Did”).  Why?  Because of how much of my life has changed because of a damn TV show.  I am a cliche, but I am a fortunate cliche.  I am not going to “sugar coat” (HELLO HAVE YOU MET ME) but I am not going to be ungrateful.

But we are very close to the end now.  48 hours to go.  How strange.  It’s like the excitement of opening a present on Christmas morning mixed with the anticipation of waiting for a loved one to die (sorry, relating this to real life) all in one.  It is the end and the beginning.  For me, it was a blessing.

I have spent a great amount of time since tickets for this event went on sale March 26, 2010 at 10am PST trying to help people get tickets because I want everyone to have a chance to partake in this final experience because I feel that it is a journey that we have all gone on together.  I really hope that I can do that for people despite being so close to the end.

Even here as we are very close to the end, I truly hope that it’s not as close as it seems.

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