This post is not going to be an update, but merely a reflection. I am feeling very reflective today.
Jay and I are about to celebrate the birth of our first child, our son. Back on the morning of October 7, when four pregnancy tests came back positive, I never thought June would actually arrive. But it has and it’s done so in such a manner that I can’t even remember the past nine months. They have flown by. They have been filled with joy and hope, with anxiety and fears. I have had a very blessed life, filled with love, family, and friends, but I have never felt as blessed as I have since October 7 and that is because of Jay.
Jay has been the most incredible partner to go through such a life-changing experience with. He has picked up my slack around the house, when I couldn’t even muster the energy to do something a simple as clean the dishes. He has cooked us healthy dinners after long work days and become quite the handyman (without even being asked). He has jumped to my side during the moments when the room suddenly became 1,000 degrees and I didn’t know if I was going to pass out, throw up, or poop myself from a fast-hitting hormone blast. He has held me on nights when I was freaked out & crying about constantly waking up on my back (scared that I was causing harm to our son’s development) to ensure that I would stay sleeping on my side, even if it meant he was sacrificing his own night’s rest. As we’ve heard of more people with a due date close to mine having their babies before us, he reassured me that my son wasn’t staying in there just because he didn’t want to meet me, but because he was comfortable with me. My pregnancy may have been easy physically and mentally, but behind-the-scenes, things have at times been…emotionally difficult for a couple of reasons. Every fear, every anxiety, every concern, every guilty feeling – Jay has been there without fail, being the most stable and loving presence in my life.
I could go on and on, but I’ll never be able to quite capture in words just how much I love you and how overcome with the gratitude I feel when I think of how God blessed this loud-mouth Italian girl from Long Island with the perfect partner to go through life with. I don’t deserve such a wonderful man, but I’ll take him.
To my son,
I can’t wait to meet you soon. I have loved you since the very moment you were conceived, even though I didn’t know it yet. No matter what happens in your life, from start to finish, I will always love you. You are the best thing I have ever done. We’ll have our ups and downs as we grow together, but I hope that I can be the great mom that you deserve to have. I pray that your dad and I continue to be blessed in getting to watch you grow up and be who you were born to be. Whoever that is, we will be proud of you, no matter what.
Well, baring any unforseen reasons to post, I’ll see you all on the other side. Or, as we Losties say, I’ll see you in another life, brotha. My brand new life as a mom. 🙂