So here we are. January 2022. I meant to blog several weeks ago; about TV shows I’ve been watching, about what we were doing over the holiday break; about 2021 in general.
I didn’t get my brain together enough to do all of those ideas. I still probably will even if they are a little bit late. But tonight, I find myself wanting to write a bit of a hybrid about 2021 and the beginning of 2022.
2021 started out great, actually. I was enjoying my job, loving working from home, and generally doing okay. That all changed as the year progressed. Mild depression started creeping in in February; hope came back in early April when I was able to get vaccinated, but all hell broke loose on May 3 when I was blindsided to learn that I was either going to be demoted to part-time or had 60 days to a new job. I loved my job, my company, and the people I worked with. It was part of my identity. I loved it. I was in complete shock.
I wish I could say that I am the type of person who brushes that dirt off their shoulders. I’m not. I went to my cousin’s wedding in New Orleans on May 5 and honestly, I hadn’t slept much in 2 full days, and in pictures, you can tell. I had to buy little bottles of alcohol from the front desk on May 4 to fall asleep for the whole hour that I slept in between nightmares.
It’s really fucking embarrassing to talk about.
So yeah, just when I thought I was safe, 2021 went and did me like that. I was fortunate enough to find a new job through a friend that was challenging, busy, and fun. I think not being able to check social media during the day has been a blessing hahaha. I was very grateful for the opportunity at this new challenge. I learned a lot and enjoyed the people I’ve worked with. Life was going okay.
And just like that, when I thought I was safe, 2022 went and did me like that, too.
I found out today that I am being let go. It’s not a performance thing but rather they decided to go in a new direction and eliminate having paralegals altogether. It was a complete shock and I must admit that I am quite sad. I’m sad because I liked the work, my coworkers, and our clients. I liked helping out. I’m also embarrassed to find myself looking for another job six months later. I think I used up all of the goodwill of my connections last year and I am terrified that it’s going to take much longer to find something this time around.
So there we are. That’s what’s going on. The last seven months have delivered the message loud and clear: I am expendable, and if I’d ever be on Survivor, I’d totally be voted out first or second in a tribe of six, lol. But I also learned in 2021 that I have a tribe and I was so grateful for that because although I didn’t know it, I really needed one.
I have no idea what 2022 holds. I really know now not to take anything for granted and that sometimes things aren’t personal…I hope. But for tonight, I am allowing myself to be sad.
At least we’re only a week in. It has to go up from here, right?