It’s back to work today. I can’t believe it’s been 13 weeks already. I have had such a positive maternity leave and have clicked so much with Alexander that the idea of leaving him when I know he depends on me so much is making me sick to my stomach. Not gonna lie, I have had several moments over the last few weeks where I’ve looked at his little face and burst into tears that our precious, precious time together has come to an end. Even as I type this now, my eyes well with tears. ALL OF THE FEELS.
I genuinely cannot even begin to describe all of the emotions I’m feeling right now. While I love my job and want to go back to work, I’m just not ready to go back to it yet. I wish I had another three months at home. I’m probably not going to do this baby thing ever again, and my heart breaks when Alex looks up at me and smiles at me like I’m his whole world. He’s such a happy baby. I’m going to miss our daily routine of his different playtimes and our “chats” and working out “together.” He’s also an excellent helper while shopping and all-around good company.
I also spent Tuesdays and Thursdays with Zachary. We have had a lot of really great times and grown closer as well. I was trying to go over everything that we’ve done over the past few months and was surprised at just how action-packed it’s been. I’m going to miss these times. I did a decent job blogging about them in the beginning but slacked off over the last month. I wish I had done an even better job to capture those memories in writing as they were happening. From weekly trips to the bouncy house and story time with animals to simple Target and Harris Teeter trips, Zach, Alex and I have had a really great time together.
All in all, it really has been a wonderful three months and I am so sad that it’s over. I love my boys. I’m so grateful that I was able to have three full months with them.